FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
