Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
