I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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