i think my tv is drunk
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
