im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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