and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
