are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
