after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
