i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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