I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
