I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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