dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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