as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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