Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
