It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
