Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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