I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We got so high we made milksteak
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
