You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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