Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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