I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I believe in your delicious
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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