i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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