why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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