I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites