She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am never drinking with the goths again.