We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you traded sex for a burrito?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night