1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.