whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"