I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.