hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
