im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
