I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
