I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
