we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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