don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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