what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
