i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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