why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
