plz talk dirty to me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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