i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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