Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
