And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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