You're my little dorito
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
