i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
