shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
