Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
