and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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