She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i think i just lost a toe
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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