If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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