dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
