Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
