sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I supernannyed him into submission
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
