we're chasing vodka with high fives
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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