His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We have started to decorate penises.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
