I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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