Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
