When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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