I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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