i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I looked at my own cervix.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
