you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Green mimosas i think yes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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