I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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