my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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