If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
