OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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