you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
