just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
