my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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