All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
